Even though I don't even use this journal at all..



Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows banner thieved from desoto_hia873 who got it from wicked_visions.

My eyes always seem to get me into trouble.

My heart is broken. Split wide into pieces.

I finally have a moment of reference to truly describe those words. Broken heart.

And yet already I'm distancing myself from it -- throwing a fucking band-aid on a gaping wound.

I can't even properly articulate why or what.. I just.. needed something on here for me to remember this day. Remember this feeling.








Never again.

So, I stole this from Lauren seven months after she posted it and decided to do it after some peer pressure. ;)

- Take a look at your LJ friends list, then list up to ten things you want to say to ten different el-jay friends.
- Do not state who these people are.
- Neither confirm nor deny any "comment speculation." (unless the bribes are good enough)

( Meme-ahoy; )

Perspective is an interesting thing. It's all relative (or so the cliche goes).

For example? In the States, I'm considered thin.




Thank you to whoever renewed my paid account.

!!

Okay, so I'm still job-less because certain companies which shall remain nameless just don't know how to operate a phone. Or voicemail. You'd think a company that specializes in telecommunications would know these basics but therein lies the irony.

The good news? My petition went through. I am now able to return to my university to pursue the end of my degree. At some point.

This is where I would normally insert "drinks are on me!" but as mentioned above I have no job. How about y'all buy me a drink?

And so I join the ranks of the unemployed.

A Few Reasons Why The Canadian Government Should Re-Instate Paper One Dollar and Two Dollar Bills:

1) Coins are easily lost.
2) Jingling money-sounds attract muggers.
3) Strippers get paid more because no one wants to be the ass to chuck loonies at them.
4) Next time I wake up with change in my bra I won't have unsightly circular imprints on my breasts.

Overall, number four is most important. Think of my breasts, Canada!

So. Single again.

What's next?

- leftover thai food
- some physical change (hair? piercing? tattoo? suggestions please, kthxbai)
- being a perma-job holder
- new apartment (october-ish)
- new appreciation for freedom (not a dig)
- more books
- more booze less booze on week-nights. oy.

One of the more critical things?

RECONNECTING.

Look for me. Expect me. Prepare yourselves.

I almost lost my job today.

Apparently after three consecutive days without direct contact they resign you. Oops? So much for assuming after the initial "I'm sick" followed by showing up and having to leave because of pushing oneself too far they would just assume I've worsened and near death, as I was.

Yay for corporate jobs. As my boss said to me, "next time just call in and say you're dying. They appreciate the effort".

Righty-o.

I'm just lucky he cared enough to call me before my deadline and initiate the contact to bypass the rules.

May 10, 2006
This is an extremely climactic time for you, H, and you may feel as if your whole world is caving in. You may find yourself desperately trying to hold the keystone in place so that the whole structure doesn't fall on top of you. Somehow you feel solely responsible for supporting everything in your world.



Well, that sums it up well. Nothing I have to add to that.

Now it's time for Crappy Poetry Corner Moment #1, this moment brought to you by Depression and Uncertainty.



Untitled

She lies quiet
eyes to the ceiling.
She never said a word;
too late (she's gone) too far
destroyed.
Shh
we won't tell the neighbours
no one has to know
that she lay there
seven (7!) days
alone
crying.
And we (you) didn't
know (care)(notice)
murdered killed
by loneliness.

I don't really know what I'm doing with this journal. It seems I never have anything to say, but even worse than that, I don't know what I feel willing to share; a problem that would be an issue even if no one read this but me. Somewhat defeats the purpose of a journal, doesn't it?

I'm a rather private person. I don't always like to talk about my personal problems but sometimes it's inevitable; we all need to be able to release our emotion and frustration on someone or through some medium like this. But because our culture has turned these blogs into a form of attention-whoring, who can say the most outrageous things and receive the most comments?, I look at my 'update' button very tentatively. Will they care about what I have to say? Why do I even care about that? If I receive no reactions does that mean that my life, my current issues, aren't that important and in reality no one cares about me?

I'm not sure if everyone is as victim to this perverted cycle as I am, but it does hit me sometimes and so that's why I stay away, never knowing if I'll come back. And when I do, and re-read my old entries, I wonder at the pointlessness of what I've said before. Why did I think that worth mentioning? Why was I so stupid all those months ago? Couldn't I have predicted how incredibly wrong a turn my life would take only weeks later?

And I guess that's where I stand. Wondering if this week's drama will possibly hold a candle to what I'll go through at a later time. Wondering if I should bother putting it out there in cyberspace, even though now it seems like things couldn't possibly get any worse. Wondering if I care that someone won't care about this week and will next week, or vice versa. Wondering if anyone else noticed how neatly I avoided saying anything at all.

I do believe I very narrowly averted being mugged early this morning.

Not a nice feeling to be observed and then stalked.

Of course I read, you goofball.

( Done for Lauren to make her happy; )

Our floor reeks of marijuana.


This amuses us to no end.

.. and here I am. Yes, I'm alive. Here's the rundown;

News That Is Good:

- I have an apartment. It's pretty. I will be living with angelfiona. It'll be fun to the extreme. I predict getting no work done at all. Don't tell anyone.

- I'm pretty sure I already have a job guaranteed for the school year. It's local and yet again in customer service, though I don't have the benefit (is it a benefit?) of being on the phone as I'll be at a counter having to deal with them face-to-face. Could be scary. I was over-qualified in some areas and under-qualified in others. You'd think it would all balance out, but no.

- And what could be better than coming home after a long day of lectures/work and snuggling up with two kittens!? (Translation: we're getting kitties. Two of them. Names to be announced; they, also, could be scary).

- phatbwaijohn is pretty. He knows it, I know it, now you all know it.

News That Is Bad:

- I'm leaving my current job in a month today. While I'll be glad to never work in insurance again (never say never, might be back there next summer), I'm going to miss everyone there so much. I never thought I'd get so attached to these people, nor them to me (one of my closest friends has already gotten really upset over my leaving; I can see myself crying when I say goodbye to him, which sucks), but I have and it's awesome. We have already planned much hanging out.

- Summer's almost over and I've experienced little to none of it, in comparison to how much I've worked. Boo.

- Budgeting. Money is the lifeblood of.. well, your survival. Money is good. Not having money is frightening -- I had to buy new pants.

- My Dad's sick right now, really bad. My Mum has health problems that could last a while. My parents are getting old and it worries me. Mortality bites.

- I am in so much pain right now. I don't know why. I think I'm tense about something. I've had a shower and a soak in the jacuzzi and still my upper back and shoulders feel like a taut wire about to snap and it's making me cranky.


And on that note, I'm going to go back to never updating and pretend this was a bad dream.

I have something you don't have..

.. do-dah-do-dah...

I have something you don't have..

.. do-do-dah-do-day!

Here are some questions for the masses that have been bothering me for a while now. They're wide open for discussion. I'm especially curious about the former to see if it's a Latin thing or not, so if you know Latin, let me know?

1. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

2. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

3. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

4. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

5. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

6. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

7. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

And lastly..

8. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

9. Why did you just try singing those two songs? Aha! Caught you!




Can you tell I had a lot of time on my hands? And it seems this is a trend.. thursday seems to be a slow day here. Ah well. Maybe it'll force me to be semi-regular in my updates, though this was mostly brought on by boredom.